Holding space for conversation

This post is journaling with a purpose. I'm working to find some essential things I can share about my practices, principles, habits, beliefs around facilitating collaboration. Sure I can share mechanics and reasons they work. I'm trying to go beyond the surface though.

In order to find essential elements they have to come out in writing a stream of ideas. Hopefully this journal is an interesting thing to observe. It's exploration and development that will become something more refined.

One of the reasons I'm writing the stream of thoughts and sharing it publicly is it's interesting to share the experience of the unfinished while still knowing there's likely useful ideas in the mix too. Feeling confident about that.

Another reason is I have a former co-worker/colleague who I'm also now friends with and they shared that there's something in how I facilitate that made them feel safe so they shared things they would normally avoid sharing and it lead to some very useful improvements in the product. My hunch is there's some portable things about what I do, though my friend wasn't sure about that part and insisted it's in my DNA, soul, or both.

Facilitating collaboration by way of a question that doesn't sit well with me

Then I have this question in my journal. It's a question that I overall have negative feelings about when I first encounter it. And as as principle and practice I set those feelings aside at least temporarily in order to find out more. The question is: "If everyone is a coach then who are the players?"

Holding space for conversation.

Holding space for conversation starts inside us.

What it looks like on the outside for me is different than what's happening inside. Not that I have a well developed poker-face. Close to the opposite. Anyone I've worked with knows I have tells and rituals around getting conversations going. I'll say something like "that's a question I'd like to learn more about" and write it on a dry erase board as I invite folks present to come with and explore for a bit to see where this goes. Sticky notes work well for this too. Digital collaborative tools can also work well. Time shifted conversation is fine too. Though what I'm mostly talking about is being in the moment, the same moment both individually and collectively.

My habits and bias are toward preferring group cognition. Not group-think as a negative term that implies appeasing an individual as a group, but actually getting to learn from how the folks present see a situation and how we can use that to decide and commit. Does it mean all things must be decided by the group at all times? Nothing at all close to that. It's that when we make something together, part of what makes the work better is how all of us work together.

Having that perspective, sometimes I encounter a question, often from a lead collaborator or leader stakeholder.

"If everyone is a coach then who are the players?"

Being a facilitator is a funny thing because it involves both acting out of a set of principles you hold while also setting aside your own agenda. It's a kind of practice, to value meeting people where they are, to be open to what ever you may discover.

What's important is that you make it safe to discover when the people you're with can be seen, heard, and feel seen and heard. How do you do all that? You instigate, invite, encourage, and celebrate a shared co-constructed experience. You do that by facilitating a conversation. Depending on your working space, logistics, culture you can do a formal plan or informal jam.

Once you discover and connect through others being seen and heard, you can also participate. Though I do most participation by asking questions about grouping and connecting ideas that folks shared. If I'm adding something new I point it out and ask if it has a place among what folks shared so far. This depends a lot on if I'm part of the core team or helping facilitate for another team. That keeps you in a role of co-creating with the group instead of using facilitation techniques to command a group.

The discovering, even if you already felt confident you knew where the group would go, what the group was thinking, which there's almost no way you fully knew but let's say you were close to knowing where things would arrive at a shared understanding. The discovering takes ideas from being assumptions to being something we all learn and have confirmed through our conversation.

Holding a space openly means welcoming conflicting ideas in order to see the ideas together. Face them together. Decide by integrating our skills and perspectives by continuing the conversation enough to be informed enough to commit to what's next.

A few points about the question that sparked this journaling

Some of the things I wonder when a question comes up. Who is asking the question, why are they asking it, what does it mean for your shared purpose, how can you go about exploring to feel informed enough to proceed?

• Players might be implying folks who are mostly there to act on a plan but not as much do planning.
• Coaches might be implying folks who are far outnumbered by players and who do more planning, strategy, and tactical decisions to be implemented by players.
• Some situations this hierarchy can be incredibly useful, mutually beneficial, responsible, ethical.
  • Mentoring and nurturing growth, making it safe to be new and find your skills and way to contribute
  • Managing risk due to dangerous kinds of problems, health, safety, big scale, large financial risk
• Depends on the severity of the arrangement, is it being used to dominate instead of nurture. Can people grow from player to coach? How fairly are players treated?
• On some level even if players are excluded with reasons from most decisions, there's likely somewhere they're being included because human centered systems mean practicing inclusion. If players are fully only meant to implement without inclusion or questions in any way I worry. Even in very hierarchical environments you still should find checklist buy-in or a decision loop like OODA (observe, orient, decide, act).
• People can individually be skilled at both playing and coaching and when to do each.

I'm a human centered systems aware designer, it means including people is important to me and I'm comfortable advocating for this. Useful to know the mental model and bias that comes with what you are skilled with and care about.

Considering a question feels connected to facilitating

Which question and how I feel about it aren't the most important things to me at least for a window of time. I use the question to help me learn more about the situation. It's a place to start. A signal that connects people that I can explore and learn more both individually and together.