My Light Switch Has a Legal Department

A Wild Terms of Service Appears.

Terms of service: please read. To continue using this light switch your senses and executive function must agree to the following terms. Hold on as I must get a volume of text so expansive as you will tire physically from all the scrolling to get far enough in the text. What happens when you are far enough in the text. We will assume you read the text. But first, time to scroll.

These things aren't my favorite. I'm already thinking sassy thoughts about this interruption. Scroll, scroll. Scroll your boat. Come scroll away.

This ritual is about us, the provider of your light switch.

Keep scrolling. Did the text say that or is that just how I feel?

Who are you again? Oh just kidding we super know lots about who you are and your bags of data associated with your digital life. Right we were unresponsive while considering how much data we have about so many people and things.

Almost done, scroll a bit more. I did see something about data somewhere in this word avalanche.

Yes. Here we are at the equivalent of five miles of scrolled pixels. Not one pixel less. Now we present to you the two options. First option is as we all expect it should be. Agree. Agree to all this. Agree to being treated as if you work in a sub group of a department of a large group that only organizes itself and solves no actual problem but to insert the presence of policies and contracts on anything in the world given the smartness of the internet of the things.

I'm coping with feeling annoyed at this. Humor helps defuse this frustrating bizarre ritual.

What's the second option? Do you really have a second option now that we're so far into being part of your home? I'm a light switch and a giant organization all rolled into one. Why do you need any thing else? We expect there to be meetings to setup a meeting to plan the big meeting and assume that is how you as a person at home operate too.

Okay, just to be thorough in a way we find suitable, here's your second option:

Time travel. Go back to before, don't purchase this item. Now that mater is settled. Ready to comply?

Well wait. There is this cancel button we were told we must add. And as I have verified we have agreed as a matter of a legal settlement to tell you the cancel button exists.

We don't know what the cancel button does.

Click. I wish it was cancel, but I just want to go to bed with the lights off.

We do thank you for your purchase. Please click through our privacy policy and read carefully the Thank You For Your Purchase section and note that our thanks does not endorse or give promise to any future benefit from this company.

My light switch is ready.

Inspired by true events.